Where Do We Go From Here?
by Fandom Exploitation
Summary: The Winter Soldier faces the past he does not remember, and unsure if he even wants to. He is joined by an unexpected voice of reason that wonders if he would seek out a future after years of conditioning teaching him that he is nothing more than a bringer of death and destruction. [Winter Soldier Spoilers]
1. Chapter 1

**Spoilers for Winter Soldier**

* * *

He stared at the glass plaque that depicted the life of a stranger.

James Buchanan Barnes.

"Bucky," Steve Rogers, Captain America had called him.

The man's gaze had penetrated him, face morphed in confused recognition, like he was staring at a ghost.

The Winter Soldier was a master of assassination, a warrior unchallenged by any that had dared to face him. Until his latest target would show the world the fifty year old secret that was his existence and the people he worked for.

Now he walked the streets of the US alone. No masters to take orders from, no lives to end, no purpose other than to keep moving and remain hidden from the eyes of those he had wronged.

"I would have thought you would be long gone."

He tilted his head so he could see who had spoken in his peripheral.

It was the red-headed woman that had become his secondary target after he had recognised that she was aligned with the Captain.

"It's weird isn't it? The life that you supposedly led right in front of you and yet you have no memory?"

She wasn't looking at him. Instead at the black and white picture of James Barnes that was unquestionable him, but with a blurb explaining a life so very different to who he was.

"Whoever that man is, he is still dead. Steve Rogers was a fool in believing that he could be brought back," he told her.

"That man has this ability to keep on hoping, even when all hope is lost."

"And you? Have you come to turn me in? Punish me for my crimes?"

"I don't have anyone to hand you over to. Besides, you've managed to shoot me twice and that's enough for me. You can be proud to say that you're the only one who has ever managed to do that," she said.

"Twice?"

"We've met before. Back when I worked for the KGB. Shot a scientist by shooting through me," she told him.

"The past is irrelevant. I only live in the now. The present is the only thing that matters."

"How did they do it? Make you forget?"

"I don't know. I have forgotten," he said, irritated that so much of his mind had been compromised and tainted. It limited his knowledge of the world around him. How many were out there that he had caused grievance to? Any moment his body could be littered with red dots, and before he could react, he would be a bullet ridden mess. He was brought out of his thoughts by the woman who spoke again.

"Where do you plan to go now?"

"There are always those who want others to disappear. It is what I do."

"You have the choice to change that."

"No, I don't," he said, shaking his head.

"You can choose another side."

"And what side is that, yours? Steve Rogers?"

"It has become a little unclear what we are anymore," she said. "But you've got one thing right and that there will always be those who want others to disappear, and even though we are no longer SHIELD, what we fight for remains, and that is all that matters."

"Both SHIELD and HYDRA are no more. It would seem that one cannot exist without the other."

"That's where you're wrong. It does not matter that on paper both have disbanded. While we don't have a fancy building or logo'd uniforms, we're still here, and I'm sure that there are HYDRA agents still out there, waiting to rise again," she retorted. "What was it that Zemo said? Cut off one head, two more will take it's place. Time can only tell when HYDRA will show themselves again."

"So what of you then?"

"SHIELD, or me specifically?"

"Both."

"SHIELD agents have gone off to find new work placements. Many of them are trained in very specialised fields, and are the best of the best so companies would have little reason not to take them on board. Me? I'm here and there. I think I have at least five years worth of leave and perhaps it's time I take it."

"The others?"

"You have to be a little more specific," she said, although she was well aware of whom he was referring to.

"The super soldier."

"I haven't heard from him. It isn't like I have to keep tabs on him anymore."

"Not required, but you do regardless."

She finally turned to look at him, meeting his gaze. Dark eyes met lighter ones, though this time his weren't filled with malice and rage. They seemed unfocused, like he was looking at her, but at the same time, was lost in his own world. It made her wonder what torture he had to experience that ultimately made him the infamous Winter Soldier.

"All I know is that he's safe, for now. Called in a few favours, made sure he was as off the grid as I could get him."

"He will look for me," he said.

"Remember what I said about his ability to hope? Even if you've given up, he won't. He never does until it's 100% impossible to do anything else."

"I do not want to face him," he admitted after a few moments of silence, the other museum-goers milling about, snapping pictures of them with statures and reading with interest and wonderment about Captain America and his Howling Commandoes.

"Why?"

"Because he is wasting his time trying to seek something out that cannot be found."

"You don't believe that you'll remember?"

"I do not remember anything prior to these past few days. I would assume that after every mission, such information about my past experiences are no longer valid and should be removed as they do not benefit me. All that remains is my servitude, and my abilities to complete whatever task they set for me."

"What if there was a way?"

"This Bucky," he gestured at the figure before him. "Do you think he would be proud of who he has become. I may not know the absolute truth of my past actions, but the man that Steve remembers is but a memory lost to me as all the others are. I rather not think of who it is I would become should my past be set free."

"At least you wouldn't be living in the shadow of who you really are."

"Perhaps it is better this way. I am anew, a blank slate."

"I just warn you that Steve can be very convincing, but not so easily convinced himself."

"I will keep that in mind. Did you not say that you have five years worth of leave?"

"Yeah. Not really sure where to start. I sort of revealed myself to the world on television. After living as a spy for so long, it will be a new experience with the rest of mankind being able to know who I truly am."

"Truly? I would say that we all have our secrets, and our deepest ones will remain buried for as long as we wish."

"Wise for a guy who tells me that he has a few days worth of memories."

"All I know is that trust is something I cannot afford to give. I only truly trust myself."

"I was like that for the longest time. But maybe you'll find someone you can put you're trust into."

"Why?"

"I suppose it makes you feel less alone. If you fail there will be someone who will try to help you succeed."

In that moment her phone chose to hum and she pulled it from her pocket. Quickly glancing over the text she smirked to herself.

"On that note I'll leave you here. I know I won't be able to convince you to do anything you don't want to do, but just a word of advice, try not to fight those who want to help."

"I would assume that the last people I let help me gave me a cybernetic limb and a job of questionable intentions."

Natasha cracked a small smile at that.

"I suppose with your track record you have a right to be a little cautious, but not everyone is like that."

"The world would have ended long ago if that was true."

He caught her wrist gently just before she left his presence.

"Whatever has happened, I do hope that we do not have to meet again in such circumstances."

Natasha took it as his way of apologising.

"The feeling is mutual. Until next time."

"You are certain we will meet again?"

"People like us, we always run into each other again. The world...hell..this universe is not like it once was, and you'll learn that you can never expect that tomorrow will be anything like today. That tomorrow might come and who knows what will happen, but maybe it will mean our paths cross again."

"If that is true, then until then."

~o0o~

_Okay, so explain to me why I was not informed of this MASSIVE shit storm that has torn up another city, but that I'm out of the job because the people I work for don't even EXIST anymore. Also what the hell has Stark got himself recently, and isn't Thor back in town? Last time I go on a private retreat. Seems like everything goes downhill when I'm not around. Anyway, call me if you choose to grace me with an explanation. Poker night is still on at Stark's right? Probably the only way I'll get some dollars as I no longer have a JOB. Hope to hear from you soon because I rather not rely of Twitter being my sole source of information._

-Clint

* * *

**Just an idea/piece that came to mind in the aftermath of Winter Soldier. Un-beta'd and written at 4 in the morning so I apologise for the mistakes. Thank you to SmokyStorm for the location information.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Did he even have a name?

He never had to refer to himself. Never. His first distinct memory was him being given orders to eradicate those that threatened HYDRA. He had no recollection of who he was before that.

'Winter Soldier' they had called him, but what did that mean? Why was he the 'Winter' Soldier? Why was he a soldier in the first place? He had all these questions and none to answer them. How had he supposedly gone from this Bucky character to who he was now, whatever that was. A fugitive? That sounded right considering his former masters were after him, and knowing their capabilities, they had some influence over law enforcement.

He had yet to figure out where he was going but as far as he was concerned, he needed to at least get out of the state. Maybe move north.

After speaking with the SHIELD woman he realised that he might never be able to truly disappear. If she could find him then who was to say that others couldn't as well.

He walked and walked. Hoodie and baseball cap concealing his face from the cameras, he managed to get to the fringes of D.C. undetected. When night fell he knew he had to stop and find somewhere to rest.

He sat himself down at a bus stop bench, advertisements casting a bright glow onto his form. He tugged at the hood, trying to hide more of his face as he leaned back and closed his eyes.

~o0o~

He felt a sharp poke into his shoulder and his eyes snapped open, his cybernetic arm grabbing a small wrist.

"Ow!" A sharp cry came from the whoever's arm he was currently holding. He looked up and saw a boy trying desperately to pull himself free. "Can you let go!"

"Who are you?" He demanded.

"Who the hell are you? Can you let go of my arm? I don't want to hurt you and I swear I will!"

The boy couldn't have been more than 12, and was skinny and rather small. Dirty blonde hair covered his ears and was inching past his shoulders, his brown eyes watery from the pain. The Winter Soldier finally released the boy, who stumbled backwards and landed on the pavement.

"I never know why Chris suggests we go out on these stupid missions," the boy mumbled as he got on his feet. "Just wanted to see if you needed help, but whatever." He then turned around and stomped off in a huff.

"Help me? What are you talking about?" He called after the boy.

The kid turned around.

"Some place to stay. Food. It can taste a little grainy and stale but at least we don't starve," he told him. "Not that you're allowed to come with me or anything anymore."

He weighed his options, realising that he wouldn't make it very far without food or water. Of course he would find a way, but this sounded more like a 'guarantee' rather than a 'I maybe won't get caught'.

"Wait," the man said, getting to his feet and striding over to him. "I want to come with you to this place."

"You nearly broke my wrist!"

"I apologise. I thought you were someone else," he said, dropping his gaze.

"So you're that type then," the boy said with a sigh.

"Type?"

"You're a Wanted," he said. "Most of us are Runners."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'll explain later," he said, beckoning with his hand. "We'll miss breakfast if we don't get a move on."

The Winter Soldier followed the boy, ducking down side streets and finally climbing up a fire escape staircase.

"This used to be an old office building but whatever company that owned it moved out and no one came to knock it down, and nobody wanted to buy it, which is weird because it's in perfect condition, but I don't want to jinx it or anything," he explained before he pushed open the fire escape door.

"Chris! Got a new one!" He called out. The pair of them stood on a balcony, looking down on what would have once been an office full of desks, desktop computers and business workers. Instead there was a collection of old furniture, mattresses, and a diversity of people looking right back up at them.

"Well don't just dawdle Lewis, bring our guest down here," an older woman said.

They descended the stairs where Chris greeted them at the bottom. "Hello darling, who would you be?"

"Um…"

"No worries dear! No worries at all. We have a few who aren't too keen to give us a name. You're not the first and you'll certainly not be the last," she said with a smile.

"Jim," he said before she could continue.

"Jim! You do look like a Jim. Well, Jim, we're just starting breakfast so you best get going before there's nothing left," she said, leading him across the hall to a door off to the side. There were three long rows of tables stretching from one side of the room to the other, with various people sitting on the benches. At the end of the hall was a buffet style cafeteria "Lewis? Be a dear and show Jim to the food."

The boy nodded and walked down the long aisle. A few people looked up at him as they passed, but quickly lost interest. The Winter Soldier imagined they were used to people coming and going. At the food table he found trays filled with food ranging from pasta to chips.

"Just take what you need, no more, no less," Lewis told him, handing him a plastic plate.

He…Jim - he would need to start referring himself to that name now, considering that was what he was going to be called from now on - sat down beside Lewis, both spending the first few minutes eating in silence

"So, what is the Jim story?" Lewis asked him as he shoved a chip into his mouth.

"Jim story?"

"Yeah. You don't have to give me the full motion length picture but everyone has a story and no one judges you here," he said. "We're supposed to offer an ear whenever we bring in someone new."

"I don't know much," he said. "Just that where I came from wasn't a good place and I just want to leave it all behind. I don't know where, just away."

"I hear ya. A lot of us come from homes that we just couldn't stand. My Ma and Pa didn't come home one night. I waited and nothing. The police didn't even come to tell me. So I left to look for them. Then Chris caught me stealing from the markets and then I've been here for the past year. Life isn't like what it used to be but I'm not dead, and people here look out for each other." Lewis sighed and then returned his attention back to his chips and chicken nuggets. "So that's the Lewis story. A Runner remember? Oh, and a Wanted, that's someone who needs to stay under the radar. Doesn't even have to be from the law, just from someone in particular. It's a rule here that we don't talk to any outsiders about who is here."

Jim nodded but didn't comment. Lewis took the hint and went back to eating silently.

"Are you gonna stay?" Lewis asked suddenly, bringing an end to the quiet Jim so greatly desired.

"I do not know," he answered. "I wish to get out of the state, perhaps out of the country."

"You need money to do that. You got any of that?" Lewis said with both brows raised.

"I'll find a way," he told him. "I cannot stay here."

Lewis frowned before taking both their plates up to the collection bin. "I should give you the tour and find you a place to sleep tonight," he said when he returned. Jim nodded, standing and letting the boy lead him of. "It's amazing how big this place is. There are like, five floors that belonged to the old company so we have loads of room. I'm on the fourth floor. It sucks that the elevator doesn't work though. I would be like living in a real apartment block," he said with a small grin.

Jim followed Lewis up the stairs, watching people as they talked, laughed, and a vast majority playing cards. They didn't have a lot but they seemed content.

"We're here," Lewis said, walking into an old office cubicle. "You can bunk with me if you like. There is plenty of room. I sleep under the desk," he said. The abandoned cubicle had a desk, a few drawers and a basket filled with bits and bobs. "Sorry about the mess. It's not like my mum can tell me off," he said with a sad smile.

Two men arrived at Lewis's cubicle with a small mattress. "Chris told us that you had a new rookie so we picked this up for yah," one of them said. He had greying hair and faded denim overalls, with laughter lines.

"Thanks," Lewis said and waved as they headed off. "Everyone helps everyone. It's the only way any of us would survive."

"So you just trust them?"

"Right off the bat? Hell no. That's a sure way to get your stuff stolen. Everyone needs to earn trust. It's like a fresh start here. You could be anyone you wanted here and no one would question it. As long as you pulled your weight when it comes to chores and look out for each other."

"That sounds fair," Jim said.

"We're not out to getcha. Chris just has this saying that you help someone and one day you might need them to return the favour," Lewis said. The boy settled on top of his mattress beneath the desk, fiddling with a rubix cube. "Used to be my dad's. He was real smart. Was a science teacher and he loved explaining things. I could never really figure these things out, neither could my mum."

Lewis twisted and turned the cube with no real understanding of how he was supposed to solve it.

"Your turn," he said, tossing the cube up at him to which Jim caught with ease. He looked at the cube, turning it around in his hand. He gave a side an experimental twist before placing it on the desk. "You didn't even try!"

"I do not know how to solve it. There is no point me trying," he answered matter-of-factly.

"But you didn't even try! How can you know you don't know how to solve it?"

"Simple. I have no idea how to solve it. I don't have to try to know. Sometimes it's better to admit defeat then waste your time on something that it inevitable," he replied.

"Wow," Lewis said.

Jim mentally sighed, wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into, letting himself being taken in by the homeless folk, and the abandoned office cubicle mate with a kid.

"Talk to you later Jim," Lewis said, rolling onto his side to face away from him.

"Okay," he said, looking up and started to count the squares on the ceiling.

~o0o~

Jim wasn't sure when he fell asleep but when he awoke he could hear Lewis snoring beside him. Immediately he berated himself for letting sleep come to him. He didn't trust anyone here, despite their kindness. If they knew who he was, it would merely take a phone call for his position to be compromised. Looking down at the boy, he was fully aware that HYDRA would care little about anyone who stood in their way. No man, woman or child were exempted.

He got up and left the cubicle, and saw that many of the other residents were in their respective cubicles slumbering away. He deducted that night had fallen some time ago, despite the windows all boarded up, preventing him from looking outside.

He walked back to the side entrance that he and Lewis had come from, ignoring the curious gaze of two men - he assumed night guards - who silently observed. As Lewis had said before, people came and went as they pleased so him sneaking away in the middle of the night was probably not an uncommon act.

He ascended the fire escape staircase, reaching the roof that was thankfully unoccupied. Finally he had some fresh air and some time to clear his head. He didn't really know what he was thinking, going along with the charade of Jim the homeless man. Then again, where else was he going to go? It wasn't like he could board a plane and fly away. Who knew. HYDRA probably knew where he was by now. He had watched how methodically they worked, how determined they would be as they sat at their computers until they found what they were looking for.

Even he couldn't hide in the shadows for too long. After all, HYDRA was the master of concealment.

He looked around, his hair whipping back and forth in the wind. All around him were buildings, the honking of cars below, the sound of life. He was surrounded by lives that could so easily accept what has come to pass and move on. They knew of the dangers, the collapse of the world's most secretive security department, the uprising of HYDRA, the presence of creatures not understood by humanity, and yet they continued on living. He had expected panic and chaos in the light of the attacks. Then again, he was a creature born of chaos. It was in his nature to thrive on the fear of his targets. That was what was expected of him. What had been expected of him. He was certain that should HYDRA recapture him he would immediately be put to work, after some _re-educating_. He had no idea how long he stood there, lost in thought.

~o0o~

"You're not going to jump are you?" Lewis called out to him.

Jim turned around and after a pause, shook his head.

"Even if I did, I would probably survive the fall," he said, walking towards him.

"It's like five floors high. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't make it," Lewis said, looking over the edge.

"You would be surprised," he said, following the boy's gaze to look at the concrete path below.

"Well if you ever think about jumping make sure it's into the ocean or something," Lewis said, moving back to the fire escape staircase. "Also, I'm glad you're not a jumper."

"I try not to make it a habit to fall from high places. So far I've been unsuccessful," he said as he followed him down.

"You're weird," Lewis said.

Weird. He was many things but he never really pinned himself as 'weird'.

Monster, mindless killer, inhuman, freak.

HYDRA agents had not been discreet when they talked about him 'behind his back.' Yet they knew that they could say what that pleased because they were the ones in control. They were his masters and his sole purpose had been to serve without question. He wondered if they were afraid now, knowing that he was no longer under their thumb and could easily find them in their beds and do to them what they had ordered him to do to their enemies. Now that he was no longer of HYDRA, neither faction was his ally, nor did he want to make them his enemy. Not when he still lacked surety of what he was supposed to do with himself from now on.

"Are you even listening to me?" Lewis called out to him.

"What were you saying?" Jim asked, not denying that his mind had drifted again.

"I was just saying that I came to get you because Chris wanted to talk to us," Lewis said. "She's in her office."

"Office?"

"Her private room. She's the one that manages this place so I guess it makes sense that she has an office," Lewis explained, heading towards said office that was at the end of one of the many corridors on the ground floor.

Lewis knocked and Chris called out that they could enter.

The pair walked in and Chris greeted them both with a smile.

"Is this the one you were looking for?" Chris asked, looking past Jim and Lewis.

* * *

**A personal preference is that I do try to stay away from OCs. I have nothing against those who have them as side characters in their stories, but I just find it difficult to effectively characterise an original individual that integrates well with the story. The sole purpose of Lewis is to be a foil to the Winter Soldier [Or Jim]. I had originally planned for it to be a solitary chapter but it would have limited observational dialogue.  
**

**However, I am hoping to draw away from the OCs and focus more on the canonical characters. **

**Thank you for all who follow/review - and I apologise for the delay. It has taken 2 months to have the WiFi set up in my current residence. Australia, what are you doing. **


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